September 3rd, 2009 by jstoker
What is the foundation of all effective communication? Rapport!
I once had a physical therapist tell me she only had 20 to 60 seconds in which to establish rapport with a new client. When I asked her how she did it, she said that she cared about the individual, showed interest in them and their challenges or problems, and was fully present while interacting with them. She strongly emphasized caring for the individual as a person. Such concern communicates respect and establishes a sense of safety or security in the situation. Behaving consistently in this spirit of care and concern establishes a relationship which is based on trust and continues to grow over time.
The question then becomes: “Can an individual who doesn’t know how to establish rapport learn to do so?” And, perhaps more importantly: “Can an individual who has been abusive, disrespectful, or untrustworthy repair damaged rapport and respect?” We unequivocally answer “Yes!”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted in Conversations | No Comments »
June 24th, 2009 by jstoker
REAL conversations create results—not just any old results, but the results we actually want. These desirable results are always mutually beneficial to the participants in the conversation. When we hold REAL conversations, we achieve the desired results while at the same time increasing the rapport, respect, trust, and learning of everyone involved. The type of communication that creates REAL conversation is called dialogue.
The word dialogue comes from the Greek terms dia (meaning “through”) and logos (signifying “the meaning of the word”). Dialogue, then, is conversation where individuals come to understanding “through the meaning of the word.” The implication here is that everyone learns from the sharing of perspectives, ideas, and experiences. The meaning in the conversation is respectfully and authentically shared by everyone—not necessarily agreed upon, but shared and understood nonetheless.
Creating a REAL conversation requires four distinct skills or behaviors: Recognizing & Suspending, Expressing, Asking, and Listening & Attending. Using all of these behaviors in conversation creates the results we desire. Let’s take a moment to further define and explore each of these behaviors.
The Dialogue Model
Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: Communication, conversation, Dialogue
Posted in Conversations | No Comments »
May 22nd, 2009 by lightstorm
Recently, I was perusing the titles in the “Self-Improvement” section of Barnes and Noble for books that had been written on effective communication and conversation. I was surprised to find that some titles described how to have “fierce,” “toxic,” or “difficult” conversations. My first thought was why would I want to hold a conversation that was “fierce,” “toxic,” or even “difficult”? The former two titles would be conversations I would avoid at all costs. And to approach the topic of a “difficult conversation” elicits a degree of reticence and anxiety. Why would I want to engage in a conversation that was difficult if I thought I wouldn’t succeed?
There was another title on the shelf that referred to “courageous conversations.” What if an individual didn’t have “courage”? I couldn’t determine if reading the book would create enough courage to face one’s fear and actually have the conversation. Finally, I came across Crucial Conversations. It dawned on me that not all conversations are “crucial,” yet they still may be extremely important, even though they are not fraught with “strong emotion” and “high stakes.” Outside the marketing hook of the title, I found something was missing. I was disappointed because the content mainly focused on the “explicit” aspect—the specific words used to make the conversation more effective—rather than the “tacit.” I found this to be true of the content in all the works I was reviewing.
Let me explain the difference between the “explicit” and the “tacit” aspects of conversation. Most of us are familiar with the illustration below that was drawn by Leonardo Da Vinci.
Leonardo Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man
Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: conversation
Posted in Conversations | 4 Comments »
May 4th, 2009 by jstoker
I have finally seen the light!
There have been so many requests from individuals asking me to make my information more available, I decided that I would start posting it here. There are so many situations that need improved communications, and I will do my best to share my ideas and thoughts with you here.
So, here we go…
Posted in General | No Comments »