5 Tips for Handling Being Ghosted

This ghosting thing happens quite frequently to me. Company representatives call and inquire about the cost of my training and coaching services.

I usually try to deflect that answer by first discovering what they are trying to achieve, what challenges they are addressing, and how they would like to roll out a potential solution.

A number of years ago, I had one such potential client ask me if I would be willing to come to her company and do a two-hour presentation on how to hold REAL conversations. She asked me to provide an outline with time frames and pricing in the form of a proposal. I did that.

A few days later, she reached out to me and asked me to write another proposal, adding an additional two hours of emotional intelligence training. She also wanted pricing for the administration of a self-assessment and coaching services for 200 participants. I wrote her a proposal for that.

A week later, she asked me to rewrite the proposal, adding two hours of conflict resolution training to the conference agenda. She also wanted to know about the exercises for each two-hour session.

When I asked her for the reasoning behind that request, she told me she wanted to be sure I wasn’t just going to talk and that participants were actually going to work on learning and applying certain skills. I did that.

A week went by, and I heard nothing from her. I emailed and left a voicemail.

Nothing.

This went on for about two weeks.

Finally, I called from a different phone number, and she picked up. I asked her where she was in putting the conference together. Sheepishly and slowly, she responded, “We have decided to go in another direction.”

End of call.

About an hour later, her assistant called me to apologize and told me that the final decision regarding the content of the conference was in the hands of her VP, who pulled the plug on what she wanted to do.

I hope you will never behave like this with the people you do business with. If you do, stop it. It is not that hard to pick up the phone, thank the person for what they are offering, and say you are going in a different direction or that you are no longer interested.

What Should You Do if Someone Is Ghosting You?

How you handle a ghosting situation depends on the context of the relationship and how much closure or understanding you need. Here are a few thoughtful tips for navigating the situation:

1. Reflect on the Situation
   
   Analyze the Relationship: Have your interactions been respectful? How open have you been? Was the interaction brief or meaningful? Have your conversations focused on solving the client’s needs? The depth of any relationship should guide how much energy to invest in seeking clarity. Thinking about the quality of your exchanges should provide some guidance for seeking understanding.
   
   Review Your Interactions: Ask yourself if anything might have caused discomfort or misunderstanding. This isn’t about blaming them or yourself but about understanding the dynamics of your interactions.
    
2. Reach Out One Last Time (Clearly and Kindly)
   
   Send a Thoughtful Message: Politely and directly express your thoughts about the current situation. For example, you might say, “Hi [Name], I have noticed that you have not responded to my email, so I wanted to check in. If you are no longer interested or have decided to move in a different direction, I would understand. Just wanted to reach out once more to ensure I understand the situation.”
   
   Be Honest but Brief: Avoid guilt-tripping or over-explaining. Make it easy for them to respond without pressure. Offering them a possible explanation for not getting back to you is also an easy way to address the situation because all they have to do is respond with a “yes” or “That is correct.”
    
3. Respect Their Silence
   
   Accept the Outcome: If they don’t respond after your attempt, recognize that their lack of communication is an answer. It may not provide the closure you hoped for, but it signals their current capacity or interest level.
   
   Don’t Chase: Sending repeated messages can feel invasive and desperate and push them further away.
    
4. Prioritize Your Well-Being
   
   Don’t Take It Personally: Easier said than done. Remember that people ghost for their own reasons, often unrelated to you. Their unwillingness to reach out is not a reflection of your worth. Accept that you don’t know why they are doing what they are doing and move on.
   
   Process Your Feelings: Allow yourself to feel disappointed, hurt, frustrated, or confused. Then focus on moving forward. You can’t control people. They will do what they will do regardless of your best intentions.
   
   Focus on Relationships That Matter: Invest your time with clients who value your expertise and always reciprocate your efforts.
    
5. Learn and Grow
   
   Reflect on Patterns: If ghosting happens frequently, consider if there are ways to improve your communication, set boundaries, and clarify expectations earlier in the relationship.
   
   Set Your Standards: Decide what behaviors you will and won’t accept and surround yourself with people who align with those values.

No matter how frustrating ghosting is, ultimately, when someone ghosts you, it often says more about their ability to communicate than it does about your value. Maintaining your emotions while protecting your self-respect can help you navigate the situation with style, respect, and grace.